its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
