i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
