I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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