Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
