lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize