Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
