We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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