You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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