Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
