so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
