I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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