I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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