not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
