am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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