Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
