if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
