tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
