When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
How's work?
Spinning.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
