There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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