Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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