I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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