dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
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