the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So much rum. So many feels.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
