idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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