I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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