My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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