my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Randomize
