I heard we made out
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
