Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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