Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
