So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
