OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
