I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
