im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
