So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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