I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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