watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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