Christians are straight up FREAKS
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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