the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
