this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
