would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
