remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
