i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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