for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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