one two three fourrrrnication!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
