On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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