you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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