You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she woke up with a sticky ear
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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