My sheets look like a crime scene.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
There's even glitter on my cock...
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