i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
