If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
