so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
