I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
