I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
