even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
