There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
This house was built for laser tag.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
