You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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