is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
