Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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