he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Randomize
