All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
