at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
