Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
