so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
