she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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