Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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