Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
