Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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