true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
tell me about the eggs
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