I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
