at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Let's get the cat blown out
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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