your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
