I'm jealous of your bromance
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
