he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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