my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
