We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
