We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
