my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Come share oat with me in your robe
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
