I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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